I’ve never thought I’d write a diary, ever. I'm not even sure if this is one. But this morning I felt the urge to spill out the thoughts that are racing maddeningly through my head. Otherwise, I simply can't catch them. Now, I can at least put them all together in one place, where they can mix and match with each other all they want.
It all started this morning with an alarm going off at 5:30 am…
The alarm of the little clock with а playful inscription "Sweet moments" (OMG! Did I really come up with this ingenious early morning humour!?!) hadn't even gone off yet, when the internal-clock-controlled-toddler "alarm" woke me up with a shriek: 'Mammaaa, I can't sleeep anymo-o-ore'
What comes first - brushing children's teeth or making a cuppa before I faint? - an existential question characterised by its irritating daily repetition! Do you have an answer? I do not. Certainly not this early in the morning, anyway. I can neither see nor hear. Boom! I heard that... The bowl of muesli lies smashed on the floor, milk dripping down my toddler’s tiny pink socks.
I want to travel. I want to travel the world, I want to get up late, I want to explore new captivating places…
I somehow managed to clean the floor and Viv has almost calmed down. Surely, these completely impossible dreams are because of that Life is a Journey leather bag... Is traveling really just a beautiful fantasy nowadays, without having a bag with carefully folded dresses in it? Oops, I got carried away…
The rose gold watch on my wrist is ticking inexorably… Roland gave it to me with so much love... 'May our time together last an eternity'. Isn't it so lovely?... Ah, it feels like I’ve worked for half a day already and I've not even turned my computer on yet. Viv is talking softly to her dolly. Perhaps even she’s realised she should let me try and put my thoughts in some kind of order this morning? If, because of this Covid madness, the nursery closes again, and OMG if the nanny leaves with a BANG, I may really need to escape somewhere, to the other side of the world… Yea, more nonsense in my head. Stop this. Perhaps it's time I caught up with Emma, my best friend and now also a business partner, and got some actual work done… ”
Emma . Tour, Loire Valley, France
Emma, of course, is in the car on her way to a new professional training. I wonder if she’s ever going to stop with these trainings! I shout into the phone: "Emma, listen! Roland is away again. I'm alone with the little one and I've been up since 5:30... I just want a beach holiday, you know. Actually, scratch that, I want the whole island, and my girlfriends, and to go shopping... Really, what I really want is some “Sex and the city” in my life!
Across the channel, stuck in a traffic jam somewhere, Emma changes the course of our conversation (or my monologue) with her typical French je ne sais quoi: ‘Oh, Alice, ma chère, just enjoy! You have to enjoy the love, the child, the sea near you, ça va?’ Well, no, it’s not 'ça va'. Maybe the last year has, well, lasted a bit longer than it should have... ‘Look’ she continues before I can voice my objection to all that enjoyment ‘the most feminine month is coming, we will spray our pillows with perfume, just like Madame Pompadour, and we will drink virtual champagne?" D'accord?’ What is she talking about? Sure, D'accord, you know, when Roland comes back and I hand over Viv to him and hide away in another room. We might spray perfume on pillows if she really, really insists! Emma is so completely carried away with her new love… That ‘young Chef Simon’ we were supposed to represent just fills her head with ideas of sophisticated food of all sorts and dazzling wines and... perfumed pillows, clearly… A-a-h, I have to admit there’s something to that. I miss France…
Emma blasts the radio in her car. I hear a furious horn. ZAZ is singing 'Qu’importe là où je vais. Tant que j’ai l’audace'. … It doesn't matter where I go. As long as I have the courage.
Are we women still courageous now, on the brink of the beginning of International Women’s Month?
P.S. Alice is the heroine of Lantern Space. She will make you laugh and cry, she will advise you, and she will ask for your advice. She invites you to join her on her adventures. An Englishwoman by birth, a Frenchwoman at heart, and a mum of 3 year old Viv, Alice runs a boutique communication consultancy with her extravagant best friend Emma.